I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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