i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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