just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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