The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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