I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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