I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize