failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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