That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize