You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize