my mouth tastes like poor choices
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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