I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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