i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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