Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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