it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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