It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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