It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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