I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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