Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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