Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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