Ambien. No doubt about it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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