its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
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the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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