my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize