The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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