I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize