Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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