dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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