Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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