how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize