i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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