I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize