It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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