Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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