that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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