Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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