So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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