kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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