I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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