I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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