so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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