the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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