Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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