Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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