i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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