I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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