rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize