Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize