That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize