I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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