I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize