and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize